Can HR Staff Have Friends at Work?
A long term reader of this site, Keith Hamm, SPHR, who is the Human Resources Coordinator for the Minnesota Valley Action Council, Inc. sent in a question I‘m hoping other readers will want to answer. In his note, Keith made a comment I’ve never heard before, plus he offered some thoughts I think others will relate to, so I’m sharing a few words of his update.
He said about life at work, “Never enough time and some days I feel like I'm being pecked to death by ducks (many small annoyances that kill my day), but it's a job. I have noticed that we're getting a LOT more complaints from staff and applicants on the cost of fuel. That's cost us a few staff and cut down on the reach we have for applicants.?"
What’s your experience of this?
Question: "There's a difference of opinion about how HR should treat staff. One camp says that HR shouldn't develop friendships at work because there may be (or appear to be) a conflict of interest if a discipline issue crops up. The other camp says that HR should be friendly and socialize with staff in order to become more familiar with the employees/management and the culture of the organization. What do you think? HR friendships at work or not...?"
Keith adds: "One of the questions on our performance appraisals is, 'Do you have a best friend at work?' This is modeled on the book First Break All the Rules.
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Comments
I think having friends at work is definately possible. There has to be a certain level of respect for your job however. Expectations have to be set and in place and lines can not be crossed because you do have a job to do. I was friendly with my employees but they understood I had a job to do and if you crossed a line, there was a price to pay or discipline to follow. It’s not personal, it’s business.
Well, being an HR student with very brief work experience as compared to most of the readers here, I consider socializing a very important aspect of any workplace. At the end of the day, our productivity relies on our cohesion, our ability to work collectively as a single unit, with minimum communication related issues.
I’ve worked at a local publication company with sister concerns looking into public relations and brand development activities, and the only challenge we faced was in inter-communications. I had no trouble when working with people I got along with. Similarly, with the number of team-based projects I’ve worked on for my studies, the best one’s have been those when I had teamed up with friends. I knew what made those people tick, and I knew their strengths and weaknesses. I knew how to get the best out of them.
Its not always about incentives or benefits.
Best Regards,
Kashif
I agree with the first comment on this subject. I believe it is possible to have friends at work if you are on the HR staff. I’ve learned that employees feel more at ease coming to HR with issues that arise when they feel someone will listen to them and help resolve those issues. You have to let them know that even though you are friends, you have a job to do and it takes precedence over the friendship. You have to be able to separate the two when it comes down to performing your job duties.
I think that it’s possible to have friends at work; however, I also think that it must be made clear in any friendships you do form, that you have a duty to the organization in your role and should any situation arise in which disciplinary action would need to be taken; s/he must know that you take your job seriously and you will follow through if warranted. A friendship is a personal relationship (in my opinion) and therefore should not be related to your day to day work. Privacy must be respected and you have to keep certain things confidential under any circumstances. If you don’t believe this is something you can do - then you must avoid work friendships.
In my opinion HR staff should intentionally be friendly with the employees.Employees are always stressed and sometime even look for a shoulder to cry on, or a soothsayer to listen to their woes.
They should also genuinely listen to them and offer their solution or suggestion discreetly, keeping friendship and business apart.
I have seen it work in some instances, although it is a state of a mature person otherwise a brue for many troubling situations. My experience in HR - we were each others friends and we stayed under that cap thru-out my tenure with the previous company I was in-
Why not? Friends will understand first the real difference between Personal & Professionalrelationship.Thus, if disciplinary action has to be taken as Hr professional-HR will not hesitate to take(of course, after transparent discussion).Friendship is not that FRAGILE,after all.
=Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
In my view HR person is a peoples man. It is the responsibility of HR personnel to be fiendly with their colleagues. Even if there is any conflict mostly it is HR person whose help is sought for resolution. Therefore, I suggest a professionally friendly relationship between HR person and other colleages. Personal friedships should not override the business discipline needs and the frieds should be able to respect that.
I think having friends at work is definately a plus.There has to be a certain level of respect for your job however. Expectations have to be set and in place and lines can not be crossed because you do have a job to do.
Being friendly with everyone at work is good. “Good moring!” and “How are you?” along with genuine interest and concern for coworkers is important. It is important to appear approachable and be sincere.
Friends are an entirely different thing. I consider almost everyone I work with to be a work acquaintance, not a friend. Except in limited circumstances, I do not socialize with my coworkers outside of work or work sponsored events.
It is too hard to discipline people or fire people you have been friends with. I have had to do it too many times over my career. Unless someone is your peer, I avoid opening those doors. I am much more friendly with the other members of the HR and Payroll team where I am on more equal footing.
I also think your level in the organization makes a difference. I would be more inclined to make work friends if I were an HR Coordinator. As a Director or VP, it is much harder. Even outside of HR, someone who is a VP needs to maintain a certain level of professionalism. Being seen as too chummy with coworkers who don’t have the same or similar title can be just as destructive.
The question was whether HR should be friendly and socialize. That should be broken in to 2 separate questions~~~should HR be friendly, to which the answer is absolutely yes! The other question is whether HR should socialize. The answer is that socializing should be restricted to company sponsored events, such as company softball leagues, company picnics, company holiday parties.
HR is one of those entities that is always “on duty” and therefore visiting others’ houses, meeting for drinks after work (and staying a long time) and going on non-company sponsored outings is really off limits.
HR is continually on a tightrope, having to balance what is best for the employee and what is best for the company. Sometimes, perhaps many times HR will have to make a recommendation or back a decision that falls more on the “side” of the company. That could subject the HR professional to unwanted scrutiny, being ostracized or critized if he/she has socialized “too much”.
However, the worst sin of an HR person is to go overboard in the opposite direction and stay locked in, away from everyone, in the office. No one will feel comfortable enough to raise concerns, ask questions, or make a complaint. If employees feel that they can’t talk to HR, or that HR is unfriendly, aloof, distant, etc, that is the professional “kiss of death” to HR.
As it is with many things, the key to success is “all things in moderation”. And always conduct yourself (remember I said that HR is always “on duty”) to the highest standards and expectations.
Good question and a great topic!
Interesting topic of which I have been discussing with my team recently. There is a lady on my team who makes a point of building rapport with employees, but sometimes I think the rapport building bubbles over into the socialising too much stage. Drinking at the pub, hanging out on weekends etc etc. I wonder if the “work talk” goes a bit too far over drinks. I ask “what if you are asked to discipline him / her?” The reply was “you’re the HR Manager - you’ll do it”. Obviously that led to another discussion….. I definately think that as HR professionals we need to be polite, respectful, cordial, but friendships are something that develops with chemistry - it’s not forced, it’s not pretence and I would assume that the friendships that evolve are based on good judgement - not with those that will compromise you or your career. However, the practice of “being friendly with everyone” just doesn’t cut it. Just try and discipline one person in a close knit team and see how the tides turn with the others who take it upon themselves to choose sides…and as you are management…well you’re usually on shaky ground. So getting back to the initial question…sure, be friendly, polite, cordial, develop rapport, but keep the friendships to your level or higher I say.
HR has to behave as a friend to employees only then can he/she handle grievances better. But the HR person must know that when it comes to work and duties then no one in the organisation is a friend.
If a HR person can do this then definately friendly relations at workplace could be developed. But if the HR person gets emotionally attached to people at workplace then it may be difficult to separate the duties and friendship.
I cannot imagine any HR person entertaining the idea of not having friends at the workplace. How does one intend to influence effectively and easily without building friendship and relationship. This idea of not having friends can be explained from the facade used by HR professionals to hide their incompetence at dealing with people. The inability to right a friend when he is wrong is not solved by not having friends. I think HR professionals should have friends at workplace to facilitate their influential programs.
I think that all HR personnels should be approachable in the sense that it is only when employees know that they can come to you to explained their preoccupations that their grievances are known to the company.friendship at all times should be separated from business.It has never worked together.Being a professional,HR personnel’s first duty is to the company and this can not be mistaken.Hence friendship with knowledge of this is aspect should be encouraged
I think that HR staff can have friends at work. To me, it is just as important to be friendly, genuine and easy to get along with as it is to help the company make the right personnel decisions and lower risk and liability. Unfortunately, I think many HR professionals come across as unfriendly and only looking out for the company’s interest without really caring about the employee’s interests.
I work for a small company, that wants a culture which is essentially opposite of your typical “corporation”. We do not want our employees to feel as if management is on a different level and more important than they are… because of this, I think we all make an effort to be friends with our employees, this doesn’t mean that we won’t have a difficult conversation when we need to, but that we can have those conversations and remain friends with our employees because that is the type of culture we want to have in our company.
There’s a difference between friendships and friendly. I agree the HR position means that you have to be open and friendly with everyone, but friendships are reserved for after hours with non-work related people.
Based on many of the comments, I think there is a difference in what people are defining as friend. I am very friendly with my coworkers and have good relationships with many of them. I will go to lunch with some of them or share books and recipes. I know about their family situations. Still, I don’t consider them friends. They are work acquaintances.
Friends are people who know may family, come to my house for the holidays, know my struggles and problems. The term friend, like love, should be used sparringly for a select group of special people who are integrated with your life. 95% of the people I am friendly with are only acquaintances. Only a select few are friends.
If you are a close friend, you cannot have those work boundaries. Having a huge piece of your life off limits doesn’t work with close friendships. As an HR professional, you cannot complain about your boss or the company to a work friend. It is not appropriate. Also, knowing your friend at work is in trouble or will get written up or fired and not being allowed to tell them is just too hard. How do you not tell your friend who is closing on a new home or having a baby that they are due to be laid off at the end of the year? How will they regard you as a friend if they lose their new home because you couldn’t say something to them? Logically they know you cannot tell them private things as an HR professional but friendship is emotional, not logical.
If you are being a good friend, you are not being professional. If you are being professional, you are not being a good friend.
Lastly, if it is known you are good friends with someone at the office, you are immediately suspected if something gets out. Other employees assume if your friend says something about the business or other employees that they have an inside scoop from HR. This erodes HR’s credibility. If you are too friendly or chatty with people at work, employees start to wonder if their private business will remain private or will become company gossip.
HR must maintain a delicate balance of being seen as friendly and approachable but still professional. I never want someone at my company to think I am sharing their private information with someone I am friends with. Nor do I want my supervisors to be reluctant to share private information with me because they are worried it will get out because of who I am friends with.
I am in agreement with distnguishing the diffference between being “friendly”, or being someone’s “friend”. HR should always be friendly and respectful,attend the customary work functions, and build prfessional relationships. I find that regardless of how mature you and your “friend(s)” may be, the PERCEPTION others will have is that you are sharing confidential info or giving them preferential treatment. If you want to maintain respect and credibility, this is one of those sacrifices we sign up for with the job. I coach managers and supervisors about this all the time, although it may seem unfair, it is the choice we have made in taking on this type of position. In my 15+ years of HR experieince, I have rarely found the need to develop strong friendships with co-workers, my personal life has always been enriched enough outside of work. This makes my work life less complicated…
I’m with Patricia, Lazymermaid, and Jan Newman. There’s a big difference between being friendly and being friends. Of course, HR must be friendly and approachable for all staff. Being friendly can also include socializing at group or company-sponsored functions. But beings friends with someone outside of work is a different matter. Being TOO friendly at work with someone may also cross the line, for example, if the HR person goes to lunch every day with the same person. Here are some of the areas where being friends can came back and bite the HR person:
1) Discipline — This is not limited to a situation where the HR person’s friend may be subjected to discipline. If the friend is a mgr., and the disciplinary decision involves an employee on the mgr’s staff, the HR person may be viewed as being unfair to the employee in favor of the manager.
2) Confidential Information — Even the appearance of leaking information can get the HR person in trouble. Being too friendly with some people makes this area ripe for problems.
3) Selection — If the friend of the HR person is applying for a promotion or special assignment and is the one selected, there is often suspicion of favoritism.
4) Investigation — If the HR person’s friend has been accused of wrongdoing and it’s up to the HR person to investigate, there’s a major conflict of interest.
5) Favoritism — If the HR person manages a staff but socializes with one staff member to the exclusion of others, the HR Manager can be seen as playing favorites. (Of course, this is true of anyone in a management position.)
It’s always a fine balance. Like everyone else, HR wants to have friends at work and is often drawn to certain people. But HR has to be careful not to cross the line and suddenly be enveloped in a precarious position.
As an HR student, I personally think having friendship relation at work is not a concern for the modern manager as he/she is able to build a kind of work atmosphere where everyone knows who is who - no matter how friends they are. So, if you are a manager just apply your leadership skills.
I’m glad that I read these comments today because last Friday was a true test of how HR is seen at my workplace. I agree you need to draw the line between being the HR enforcer and HR the “friend”. I’ve started work at a small company where recruting has always been word of mouth. Because I’ve changed that culture I’m not a “good” HR person in the eyes of a few employees. I’m only doing my job by looking out for the company and hiring skilled employees. It’s too bad that a few these employees are badmouthing HR because I’m not going back to old ways.
I agree as well with Susan and the others. Friendly = absolutely. Friends = not so much.
HR is a unique role where the interests of the company and of the employee must be held in balance. Friendships complicate that ability to balance. Plus, HR must not be placed in any position where it may look to others as if it may take sides, i.e. when someone who is a friend violates a policy, has a performance issue or is shortlisted for reduction.
Friendly yes, friendships as long as there is knowledge that your duty comes first. We had a bad situation where an HR Rep sat in authority of an investigation that started with a complaint from her “friend”. In the end it was found that she made slanted decisions in the friends’ favor on disciplinary letters for others involved. She didn’t have the professionalism to disqualify herself from the postion as investigator in this case. She ended up being transferred.
You must have friends at your work place.As a HR SPECIALIST IN THE Armed Forces Of Liberia,i have to make friends so as to understands the problems of soldiers goung on AWOL,Problems with there Commanders and other soldiers.
I would strongly reccomend HR professionals to be friendly. Infact, I would make sure that the employees feel at ease with me. Mainly because, being in the ” people profession ” we would be a complete failure if the people we try to look after felt threatened or afraid of us. I have understood that making a lot of friends not only makes them comfortable when they approach us, but also gives us a lot of insight into the employee’s basic thoughts on the working of organization or the people who manage them. This inturn can help you to take corrective steps if needed or help them get over the misconception in a way they will accept it. It is always better to correct a person as a friend than correct a person as a dictator. Personally, I have had the advantage of knowing inside information, true feedbacks on the processes and even key information on who will stay with the company and who will not. You can obviously be more prepared when a situation arises if you are more friendly. A word of caution though, we have to always set the limit, otherwise this plan may backfire. They might want crucial company information from you. There might be the usual ” favor” requests. So watch out!!! and make sure u know how to talk your way out of conversations without divulging the important information.
Above all, its always nice to make friends. Isn’t it ?
I remember the famous quote by C S Lewis “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
Therefore a real HR professional has the responsibility to ensure that in Organisation we all are resources for producing results but maintaing relationship becomes the key for the same to happen thus fostering friendly culture for driving performance.
An HR person could do both by being a friend and letting a company know if they need to improve. I wish in my job we had an HR person, and the District where my son goes to school because there is so much disorganization it is overwhelming.
Friendships are great at work. I have hired 2 of my friends. Makes it easier when I have to discipline, which isn’t much because they understand their job roles and responsibilities. They are fabulous workers! I would rather have meetings, confrontations, discipline and rewards with a friend then a stranger. It makes my job easier as a manager, I know them and they know me, there isn’t as much awkwardness. There can be sometimes but the good still outweighs the bad. Or maybe I just have great friends!
well i think the best method of becoming a good HR staff is to know your staff, which entails befriending them. by befriending i mean making friends with them. however, it is important to draw a line of demarcation between official matters and social issues to avoid conflict of interest.
an HR staff should amidst his friendly nature be firm and unbiased to any disciplinary actions regardless of who is involved that is whats qualifies one as an HR staff.
My experience with HR at my company has not been pleasant. Our HR manager comes into my department on a sometimes daily basis and gives big friendly hugs to her “best-friends”, my two co-workers who she socializes with. It doesn’t phase her one bit to do this hugging and friendship thing in front of me who sits there trying to ignore it and work. Has anyone else experienced this?
Friendly attitud is the only solution to know the potential positive approach of the workforce. people are assets of any company. they need love, caring and reward, subsequently sizeable productivity will be the end result.